please come you make the beer taste better
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
