how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
