Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
