fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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