FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
