I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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