He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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