I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
