We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
