i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
