For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
