There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
