but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
