the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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