ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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