Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
