Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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