i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
