She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
