But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
