Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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