Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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