It's just like the Real World with babies
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
