So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
