I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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