Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My day in three words: secret purse cake
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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