I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
