I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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