I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
3pm strippers are depressing
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
