I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
