Porn is love you can see.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
