your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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