I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
