Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
