"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
