Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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