hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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