in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
