You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
