I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
