can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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