I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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