and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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