I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
