Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
