Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize