I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
