So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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