Your mouth is God's brothel.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
