i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
