so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
