I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
