the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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