The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
