We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
