I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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