It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
