The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
