Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
