So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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