Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
