If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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