I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
