ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
